Sunday, October 25, 2009

23 weeks/5 days

Well, well, well. Yes I semi neglected my blog. But I should be excused because I'm pregnant. A lot has been happening. I officially relocated, had a pre-term labor scare and now know the gender of my child. And have been a writing fool on deadline as well. Whew!

So....three weeks ago, after trying to will away 4 days of intense pain, I was instructed by my doctor's office to go to the hospital. I say doctor's office because I don't have a specific doctor at this practice. They insist on making you see at least six or seven different doctors so the chance of one of these folks being available on the day of your delivery increases. Well they can have that plan, because when something goes wrong and you need to talk to someone, there is no accountability because you are "everyone's" patient. I was already raised as everyone's child, but no one's child, now I'm supposed to be experience the same in childbirth. No thanks. After calling several times, trying to get "my" doctor or the last doctor I had seen to talk to me, I was in too much pain and too frustrated to call again. So I just limped around in pain for a few days, before my boyfriend demanded my doctor's information. Well, he called asked for the office manager, told them all off, and I got stellar attention after. man left work early and off to emergency due to my severe cramps and tenderness to the touch. It was hella scarey. Turns out, I had done too much moving and lifting and yadda yadda, upset my fibroids and strained something, but thank GOD no pre-term labor as the chances of survival of such an early birth were about 10 percent. Yikes! So they gave me a prescription to some anti-inflammatory pain killers. I stepped out of the hospital and promptly tossed that little piece of paper away. I'm sick of these pill pushers. After two days of more pain. And I took none of that crap they tried to give me. They tried to tell me it would help calm the fibroids..well, rest did that and I have to tell all you people who take all these pills for strains....relax, think relaxing thoughts and wait it out. Get off those pills. I wasn't doing that to me or my child.

I will say this, emergency for pregnant women is on a whole different floor and it's very well run. I was in a hospital room and connected to a contract machine in less than five minutes. We tried to find out if we were having a boy or a girl and the child literally shows us buttcheeks and a foot. It looked as if they were sitting on a copy machine..mooning us. Scandal. So we didn't find out on that visit. week later I went for a "structural" and ....drums's a GIRL!!!!. I'll admit, we were hoping for a boy as I have no idea how to do hair and what am I to do with a girl. But a healthy, happy baby is the ideal scenario and so far so good.
Plus, I've embraced having a girl. Excited even. I hear they are easier to potty train and hey, a mini-me won't be so bad. I just hope she's not obsessed with the color pink because Momma don't go for pink. :-) But she will for her daughter..sigh. :-) I also feel it's a blessing to be able to give her my Great-Grandma's middle name as her middle name...Pearl. My Great-Grandmother was the best influence and blessing a child could ask for and I miss her deeply, so I'm thrilled to be able to share her name with my child. My Great-Grandma, straight from Virginia is Minnie Pearl..whew! Can you believe it. And I love my Grandma so dearly, that it really is a struggle to not actually name my child, full on..Minnie Pearl. :-) But I won't do that to the baby. I know it is a southern name and my Grandma was born in 1913. :-)

I'm showing, she's kicking and it's amazing. Even though she sometimes rests on my bladder and it feels quite miserable, I welcome all movement and kicks. Keep on kicking baby, Mommy likes to know you're there. I also get a strange thrill out of watching my belly move like I'm on the space shuttle in the movie "Alien". Unreal.

So that's the update.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

19 weeks and counting..

I was trying to wait until I found out if he is a he or she is a she to post again, but.....

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. The precious one's heartbeat is 150 and his (or her) precious Mother is gaining weight. I've officially gained eleven pounds in less than three months. I can't blame it on the child because he (or she) is about the size of a mango right now. It's okay. For the love of the child.

My stomach is tight. I can feel the stretching. It's like I'm trying to digest a basketball. Hope that's normal.

No longer experiencing morning sickness THANK GOD!! but the newest invasion of the body snatchers issue is bellyaches. Terrible and long lasting. It's gas that does not move or go anywhere. It seems to just like staying right in my stomach, totally unconcerned with escaping. Yesterday it was so bad my stomach was actually sore to the touch.

I haven't felt the child kick yet, or maybe I have as they say it feels a lot like gas in the early stages, like a fluttering. And I've certainly had fluttering. I'm looking forward to feeling the baby kick. So strange to actually look forward to being kicked. :-)
I'm working, writing, packing and feeling very lucky and blessed that I am feeling well enough to do all of these things. Because the first few months I was useless.

The doctor told me even when I get the ultrasound and they guess the sex of the child, she would suggest going with a neutral color on the walls in the nursery because the ultrasound might be wrong. Sigh. Sorry but I'm probably going to go with the guess. Purple for girl, brown/tan for boy. Or I may cop out and do the "neutral" thing. Hopefully not. She suggested green. No way! No green walls.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

16 weeks

Can't believe I'm four months pregnant. I'm starting to believe what everyone keeps telling me "The time will fly by". Very happy to NOT be in Los Angeles where the air quality is extra horrendous from the fires. I'm still in Germany and it's lovely but I know the cold will be moving in soon and I'm sure it will hit fast and hard. Can't speak a lick of German yet but can count to ten in French and ask you how you are doing and tell you how I'm doing and tell you it's a very sunny day, and that's about it. Must learn these languages, wish I had started a lot younger. My child will speak these languages, so.....Mama needs to understand if her son (or daughter) is cursing her out or not. :-)

I'm happy I will be going for another check-up a few days after I get back because I have been sinning it up out here. But here's my thing, French and German women give birth to healthy babies every day and they eat all this meat, bread and cheese regularly. :-) That's how I'm justifying NOT having oatmeal for breakfast and truly eating meat, cheese, bread and jam EVERY morn, for breakfast. Though I could go for a nice bowl of oatmeal. Don't get me wrong, it's delicious, but my system is taking extra long to digest all this food and my beau had to go find some prune juice for Mama in Germany. It was not easy. But alas I have some..."Pflaumesaft". It helps, probably saving my life along with some "Lactulose" I have been given, but it will really be about getting back to eating less meat, bread and cheese and eating oatmeal and veggies.

Everyone is drinking delicious coffee and I'm drinking some stuff called"Caro."

It's good, but it ain't coffee. I take a few sips of my beau's coffee and mmmmm, but alas it's back to Caro.
Unfortunately I'm still gagging these horse pill pre-natal vitamins up. I've forced about three down since I've been here. I'm gonna have to look into a liquid version because...seriously. I'm failing.

I learned how to make a delicious cucumber salad and can't wait to try it myself when I get home. Though I'm in no rush to get back to reality. I'm living a fantasy life, besides the growing child and hormones slowing down my system and causing me dizzy spells. Sigh! But I continue to have a great time and fall asleep every moment I get. It's 3:30am here as they are nine hours ahead and after eleven days I'm still not used to the time difference. I'm a bit delirious most of the time.

Thank GOD the morning sickness has subsided. I'm still a bit sensitive, but not pitiful as before. By the way, I don't know who opted to call it morning sickness, it should be called...."All day or if you're lucky" morning sickness. I truly would not have been able to do a thing on this trip had my first trimester fell on these dates. I still can't stand the sight or smell of onions, garlic or chicken. Though the cucumber salad has a few pressed cloves in it, this is the extent of my garlic tolerance. It's insane to me as I used to eat raw onions on my burgers and raw garlic in my salad. The horror, of the thought now.

Okay, I'm going to stare at the wall like a zombie until I lose consciousness. I can't watch tv until I fall asleep (even though I don't really do that anyway) because it's all in German and will frustrate me and keep me awake. It would be nice if I felt like working on a screenplay...but I don't. So off to stare I go.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

15 weeks

and 1 day

Hallo (pronounced - Ha-Low in Germany)

I don't have internet access where I am staying in Germany so I'm gonna make this quick.

On Friday August 21, I took the worst flight of my life to Germany. We had middle seats. Both me and my hombre. He suffered as he has long legs and I suffered as I am pregnant and have aching bones and bladder issues. The doctor told me to make sure I walked up and down the aisles frequently, to avoid blood clots. I didn't. I walked a little, but truly, I had two people on both sides of me. It was pretty tough getting up and down on a ten hour flight. I couldn't sleep. I was too cramped to write. And at least my hombre could drink away his pain. I just had to sit with it and enjoy a glass of water. I watched the new "Star Trek" movie, over and over on a horribly shaky screen. I think I have developed a bit of a nervous condition because of it. The plane ride was Hell, with a capital H. And the food was Hell, with a capital H. And I had the nerve to ask the woman sitting next to me if I could have her sandwich. Junior needed protein and those portions weren't cutting it. So I ate two gross turkey, cheese and butter sandwiches, to ward off the nausea. Good thing I brought a bunch of snacks with me, but still at the end of the day, I require big, hot meals.

And after a ten hour flight to Frankfurt, we then had to take two trains to get to Baden Baden, adding another hour and a half to the trip. I slept on the train, missing all the scenery.

But I am here, Baden Baden, and the royal treatment and amazing food is making up for the plane ride. Unfortunately I can't adjust to the time difference just yet, so my brain and body are fried. I'm getting bigger by the minute. I'm definitely showing.
I'm hanging in here and everyone I have met is very kind and very generous and understanding of my semi-miserable condition and feeding me beyond well. Homemade marmalade, homemade cakes, cucumber salad, jaeger steak (pork cutlet with mushroom gravy), schnitzel and lots of fresh meat, cheese and bread. It's doing a number on my system, but it's delicious. So I continue to stuff myself. My boyfriend's, best friend's mother is going to show me how to make the cucumber salad, because it is AMAZING. I can eat it all day long, for breakfast lunch and dinner.

The air is wonderful, the weather is holding up. I have no complaints, except my own tired and"backed up" condition. Hopefully it will get better. I'm certain it will if I stop stuffing more food in me. :-)

Anyways, I'm on borrowed internet time here so I must jump. I like being without internet sometimes. It's the only way I can accomplish other things on my computer as in, finishing my screenplay and organizing my photos. The internet should be called," internetine" because it is addictive much like...caffeine and nicotine and the likes.

Tschüss (Goodbye)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

14 weeks

and 1 day....

Reality is setting in. The reality that I may wind up as big as a house.

Mostly in the thigh and derriere region (my trouble spots) I had another check-up today. The doctor listened to the baby's heartbeat and told me of all the health issues they checked for but I didn't have. Great news. They weighed me and I gained six pounds. Six pounds!!! And the doctor had the nerve to tell me I was thin and they would fatten me up in no time. The horror. Now don't get me wrong I understand I must gain some weight, for the love of the child, but I've seen women who only have a belly as opposed to the ones who transform into..well you know. I was hoping for the cute basketball belly.

I'm going on "vacation" on friday and I'm officially showing, officially frumpy and officially out of most of my jeans. I say "vacation" because I have no business going anywhere, but my hombre planned this and is very excited so I'm gonna try to get my hormones in tact and somehow piece together some kind of wardrobe and head on out.

I don't have maternity clothes, I don't have transition clothes, I don't even know what that means. Sigh! I'll be in Europe and unable to drink..sigh! I'll be on a plane for many hours and forced to deal with "airplane bathrooms" sigh! But I'm going somewhere I've never been and it's been a long time since I've traveled out of the country so I'm trying desperately to shake this rut. Sigh! I'm taking my computer, hoping I'll be inspired to write something profound and interesting to check writing studios and producers. :-)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Latest craving

I am pleased to announce I am finally craving a vegetable. Collard Greens. Slow cooked with turkey bacon or sometimes bacon, bacon. So, so good to me. Thank God!! I desperately needed some veggies but really can't stand the sight of them. But thankfully, I've been consuming bowls and bowls of these dark leafy, folic acid and calcium filled veggies.

Feeling a bit more human. Was even able to work a few days. Truly grateful for the people with compassion who are throwing this broke mother to be, a bone. They aren't working me to death and are happy for me. Hory Glory!

My struggle will soon be eased a bit, by my joining households with the father of this child. This decision is a blog for another day. Because I somehow feel more at ease with becoming a mother than a wife. And the thought of sharing a home with another grown individual set in his ways is a bit horrifying to me. Not a dig on the wonderful man in my life because if he were any less than wonderful I would not even consider moving in with him. I'm not that kind of human. :-) Wish me luck.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A writer writes.....pregnant and all.

I've seen the school my child must go to. It's in Malibu. I've viewed the house the child should grow up's eight million dollars. :-)

So, this writer must write, with nausea, body aches and the likes. And I shall.

I was working on two feature films before the baby ball dropped. Two completely opposite genres, one horror, one comedy. To be submitted to the same production company, so we shall see. My goal is to finish the horror script first. I've never written horror and have to say, horror is my least favorite genre because ALL horrors, good or bad, scar me for life. But I figure since I scare so easily, I should be able to write a half decent feature and may even surprise myself and write a whole decent feature. Horror films are usually cheaper to make and the return can be Blair Witch Project. I think it was about $500,000 to make (after a major film company got a hold of it) and it grossed $248,000,000 worldwide. Not to shabby for an improvised independent horror flick.

In my dreams my horror flick will cost more to make. And hopefully the production company will step out on faith and spend the necessary dough. I have sold one film (deferred payment...of course) and it is currently in post-production(editing and the likes). They (the producers and director) made some heart-wrenching changes and me, being not the most diplomatic human I know, had to boycott set. So I have yet to see any footage. I just had to let go and just feel grateful that unlike eighty percent of so-called "writers" in Hollywood, I have a screenplay that has been filmed. So I shall write more and more and hope to find a company with some dough as opposed the poor struggling production company that "bought" mine. But hey, it's made.... Blood, Sweat and Tears. Sometimes, most time, the most creativity comes from a struggle. Fingers crossed.

Let me also add...One show on the air, WHEN I get one show on the air (sooner than later I hope), an eight million dollar home in Malibu won't be so far out of reach. RIght now a box under a bridge is out of my range. But again...some of the best work comes from a struggle. I have embraced my struggle and am going to use it for gain.

Okay, off this thing and going to write something that may secure my child's financial stability. Well, on the level that his (or her) Mama would like to see.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

13 Weeks today

And I also had my genetic testing ultrasound and bloodwork. The child actually responded to the technician when she pressed on my belly. He or she would turn as if annoyed. I love it. We tried to find out if it was a boy or a girl, but the little bugger wouldn't open its legs. The technician and the doctor took a random guess, they both said "girl". But they really can't tell yet, so I won't go out painting any rooms purple yet. :-)

Apparently I'm filled with numerous fibroids, but I was told they aren't disturbing the baby..yet. She said they aren't situated in any dangerous spots, but still, it's unsettling. They will watch and keep measure of their growth. I had no idea I had so many.

The good news...the doctor told me my baby was not medical interesting at all. Meaning, looks healthy and well. No genetic issues showing. He said, you never want a Medically interesting baby. I agree. What a difference 3 weeks makes. The baby has legs and I saw the brain. It's so trippy and amazing. I'm not even upset anymore about losing my dinner in the shower. Yes, gross, but real. Sorry, but I'm keeping it very real. It was a spaghetti explosion. The horror.

I wonder if the marijuana coming through the vents from my downstairs neighbor is bad for me. I might have to call the landlady on these noisy and rude losers.

I'm gonna get out of this apt. for a little while. I don't need the headache.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


I did NOT make it through the few days of work. I worked two days before I gave out. I am stubborn and determined and was on a mission, but my poor body couldn't take 14 hour work days of running around in 94degree weather. I got a nose bleed..twice. I had to sneak in 20 minute naps the second day. I just disappeared to my car and put the ac on. I cried like a baby after I got home on the first day. My body ached, my stomach was sore to the touch. It's evident I can no longer work as a production assistant. Not to mention, I'm showing a bit and a pregnant production assistant just looks pitiful.

So they had to replace me for Friday and next Monday. Man, I could've used the dough, but my body with this child in it needs rest and a sensible plan of financial action. Maybe I'll buy a hat and a tambourine and sing on Venice Beach. "This little light of mine" I bet would bring the house down. :-)

It's not the dire.....yet.

The next day, I slept ALL day long. Besides working 14 ridiculous hours, 2 days in a row, I'm anemic and already tired, so I'm letting myself off the hook. And I apologize to my little one for being a fool.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Officially 12 weeks, that's 3 months pregnant. Only six more to go. ha, ha, ha. I think I feel a little better. The metal taste is letting up a bit. Bones are still aching, but I think it's because I need some calcium. So I'm taking a little extra. I agreed to work a few days so I'm happy I feel a bit more human. And I hope I can make it because the dough would be nice.

I slid on a pair of jeans for the first time in a few weeks and though I could button them, I couldn't keep them buttoned. The belly protrudes a bit and this time it's not just undigested food. :-) I think I honestly still feel like crap, but it's a major step up from the previous "misery" weeks.

I went to one of my favorite spots here in Los Angeles, Joan's on Third, to get one of those yummy breakfast sandwiches to go.
I was wearing a purple shirt with the words "Start wearing Purple". As I stood waiting for my to-go order, Joan, the very lovely and kind owner walked up to me and pulled my shirt down, to read the print. She laughed and told me she loved the shirt.
When I got back in the car I noticed I had unbuttoned my jeans and forgot to button them when I was in the restaurant. I couldn't help but think she maybe was looking out for my well being by pulling the shirt down. :-) But hopefully the shirt was already covering. Time to purchase more dresses. I can't imagine wearing jeans with elastic around the waist. Not ready for that one.

Gone stretchin'.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

To know or not to know....

I'm still miserable. It's sad really. I'm learning to live with it. Crying helps. So I've taken to sobbing to help ease the body aches and weakening nausea.

I've been asked if I'll find out the sex of our child. YES!! As soon as possible. Here are the reasons:

The father is really hoping for a boy, so I'd like him to know as soon as possible, so he can adjust early. :-)

The mother (that's me)

1. Would prefer not to receive a bunch of yellow baby shower gifts(assuming I get any gifts at all). I'm no fan of yellow, or pink really for that matter, unless it's matched with brown.

2. Rather not stress over finding boy and girl names unnecessarily.

3. We can paint the room a gender specific color.

My first and foremost wish...a healthy, happy baby, next, I'm hoping for a boy myself, I'll admit it. :-) soon as I know....I will share.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

11 weeks today...

I'm officially 11 weeks pregnant. Two more weeks, supposedly until I start to level out. I'm still quite miserable.
I had a heart-wrenching nervous breakdown over the weekend. Scared myself, scared the child, scared my man, scared my friend and scared the guy who answers the phone on the weekend at my Doctor's office.

There was bleeding. I thought I was miscarrying. And I officially lost my mind. Apparently it happens and if there is no cramping or pain and it doesn't last long then yadda, yadda, yadda, is what the Doctor said. I'm still a bit shook and don't really want to discuss any further, except that I don't know if I'll make it until August 19th, before I get to hear the baby's heartbeat again, and be certain.....okay....ending this

I'm waiting for a chinese food delivery. For the first time in a month, I'm gonna eat some broccoli. Of course it's going to be covered in brown sauce and served with fried tofu, but hey, it's still a green vegetable. I also ordered spare ribs.

Strange craving...Tofu and Pork Spareribs. This kid is conflicted. :-)

Last night at 9:30pm I rolled to Whole Foods (nausea in tact) to fulfill my craving of Olives and cream cheese on a cracker.

Tired of eating, but junior will not be denied.

Food just arrived.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


at 3am in the morning. I woke up (after falling asleep at 9pm) and made an egg and cheese sandwich. Sinfully yummy and fulfilling and now I'm going back to bed.

Let me be more specific....One egg over easy, with a slice of cheddar cheese melted on top, between two pieces of toasted, buttered (and a dap of apricot jam) wheat sourdough bread.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I am woman....

hear me cry.

I AM PREGNANT. For real. Up until today it was just me being sick, a positive pregnancy test and no period to speak of. But it's been confirmed, I am with child. I heard the heartbeat. My mouth dropped open. The technician laughed and congratulated me. Then I had a moment of tears for my Great-Grandma, then I had a few tears of joy and then junior reminded me he loves to eat.

I was in the doctor's office for two and a half hours. I couldn't get out of there fast enough to go get a gyro.

Todays diet


Oatmeal with an apple chopped up
A Broccoli and cheddar quiche


A delicious meat filled Gyro

Dinner (after 100 hours of sleep due to all the blood they took from me at the Doctor's office)
A bowl of Avgolemeno soup and an apple, sprinkled with cinnamon.

Now back to bed.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

First Pre-natal visit tomorrow

I really can't wait. I just want to go to sleep until it's time. I feel like I'm getting worse instead of better. My stomach, the nausea the inability to get rid of "waste", the body aches and my breasts are as fragile as two cheap overfilled water balloons. They hurt if I look at them too long. And I consider myself one tough cookie, but this kid is breaking me down. And again, I won't take pain killers or any magic sleeping pill, so suffer I must.

I managed to go to breakfast with a friend and then go right back home and lay on the floor.

Todays diet:

A few pieces of pineapple before I left the house

At Breakfast:

Decaf Coffee
Glass of grapefruit juice
A heavenly Ham & cheese croissant and two eggs over easy.


CAESAR SALAD - FIrst time in a few weeks I could even look at lettuce, but only romaine and only drenched in caesar dressing.
Beef Chili with cheddar cheese - yummy.
And a glass of majorly watered down gingerade.

Now I'm going to try to go to bed.

Late night snack
Grilled cheese sandwich and applesauce.


yesterday, as I lay on my floor, moaning and sobbing to relieve the misery my doorbell rings.
My hombre stopped by after work with a book for me..."The Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy". He is one thoughtful fella.

I started reading the book today and it is hilarious. I mean I'm laughing out loud, shocked and horrified and happy to know I'm not just going psycho.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Breakfast with the Dolphins

On sunday my hombre took me for a motorcycle ride by the ocean and through Malibu. It was lovely and inspirational, because as soon as I have one show on the in Malibu is the first stop. I'm serious yall. Prompted by my hombre, I fought my misery and wish to stay in the bed rolled in the fetal position and left the house and was glad I did.

We finished the ride with Brunch at a seaside restaurant. Originally he felt going out for breakfast was a waste (as he makes a mean omelette) but the good man that he is, my happiness changed his views. It was an all you can eat Buffet and I certainly got his money's worth. I feasted on scrambled eggs, piles of bacon, carved roast beef, french toast with a coconut amaretto whipped cream (outrageously good), and much more than I care to admit, while watching the dolphins make their way across the pacific. It truly was a good Sunday Morning. I LOVE BREAKFAST. It's my favorite meal of the day and apparently so does Junior because after stuffing myself, I hopped right back on the bike, no sickness to speak of and made it home.

I hope to go again.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Moannnnn Groannnnnn

I spent the day with my beloved. Poor him. I told him I prefer to stay alone and waddle in my misery, but he won't hear of it. So we managed to go out early in the a.m. for some exercise. I'll admit it, I went rollerblading. It had been so long and I missed my rides on the beach. He jogged and I rolled (I still couldn't keep up). I didn't fall. Junior should be fine. I got sick for the return portion, but had no choice but to roll on. So I rolled on through the nausea. After the several mile, roll and jog, he took a swim and I took a walk to find food. I found a heavenly ham & cheese croissant and then we laid on the beach a few hours. It was difficult and wonderful all in one.

Later, I lost the battle of the erupting volcano and blew. Junior is apparently tired of watermelon. Okay, okay, Yunior, no more of the red stuff. So now I'm on baby food. I used to eat baby food years ago. The desserts are so yummy. So I figured I'd give it a try again. Earth's Best brand baby food. Organic yumminess. The plum, banana, brown rice mix is the one that's working for me right now. I'm gonna pick up some butternut squash tomorrow. This is strange, but I have to do what works. Pizza works as well. My beloved steamed some veggies for me and once I caught a whiff, junior violently rejected the thought of them. Boo hoo..I need veggies.

My first doctor's appointment is four days away. She is gonna get an earful. I might even cry in her arms. I need help. I value my health above all and always have and though it's not like I have some kind of "real" sickness. I really am miserable most of the time. I need to sleep more. I was up four times last night with body aches, in between painfully vivid dreams. So vivid I caught myself muttering out loud (and so did my man). Poor guy. I was dreaming of my Great-Grandma, who I've been thinking about and missing a lot lately. I was blessed to have her in my life until she was ninety-two years old, but really , it wasn't long enough. I'm just being selfish as I'm happy she's not here suffering, but still, she was my best friend and I can't help but to think of her more now that I'm with child. She will never hold her great-great grand and I'm sad about it. The dream was so real. I was in her house fussing at my little cousin, Jonathan as we did so many time when I was young and she was sitting there smiling at us. It was tough to wake up and realize my mind was on a trip. These are things I must go through and with these raging hormones it's a bit tougher, but I'm happy to get it out. I'm certain, somehow it's therapeutic.

Rant... ends... now....

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Haven't washed my clothes. Haven't washed my hair. Slept most of the between feedings. I hope I don't start to resemble the animal I'm feeling like...A hippo. One who is kept in a zoo. Splashes around in water and lays in the mud, until it's time to eat.

Still nauseous out of my gourd, but....I have found some help. My aunt suggested ice pops, so I went to Whole Foods and bought some little pineapple-coconut squishy fruit ice thingys called, Smooze! Yummy and soothing to my tummy. I just have to pace myself because there are 12 grams of sugar in each little 65ml package, but so good and truly eases the disgusting aftertaste I get after EVERYTHING i eat.

I'd like to stop complaining, but I'm pregnant and shocked (and apparently my body is too), what's a gal to do. I know it's all worth it when I have a little bambino smiling up at me, but I'm almost hoping for twins so I can be done in one shot. :-)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Body aches and pains

I was able to eat some avocado today. Green stuff.
I also indulged in having breakfast..twice.

at 8am - oatmeal w/blueberries and a few pieces of ham
at 9am - At the car dealer, they gave me a coupon for complimentary breakfast. How could I resist. Scrambled eggs and bacon. :-)

I will walk. I will walk. I will not become a house in the name of motherhood. (I hope.)

Body aches have kicked in. I feel like I'm coming down with a flu, but I'm not. I keep stretching, twirling my toes (which makes them hurt worse) and pacing around my home like a zombie. I also discovered...PRUNE JUICE works. I won't go on any further about what it "works", but it works. Thank GOD!!

My poor man, I must be a joy, though we currently do not live together so I try to just go home so that I can act like a zombie without spreading my misery.

Unfortunately, I must deal with the body aches because I don't take aspirin. I think the last time I took a tylenol was 1996, so I'm not gonna start now. I will take a shower and curl up in the fetal position and try to go to sleep. I feel no pain, no nausea when I'm asleep. And sleep has felt great lately. I used to be an insomniac, gratefully, junior is seeing to it that "we" rest enough.

I wonder if this drama will level out as my body gets used to its "roommate". :-)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Today's diet...


A bowl of Irish Oatmeal w/blueberries & Ham warmed in a cast iron pan with molasses.


Gyro Salad (no onions) & Avgolemono soup (so yummy)


Two Hot dogs with baked beans and & a bowl of steamed cauliflower, sprinkled with salt and olive oil.

I'm currently having an aversion to green vegetables (unfortunately) garlic, and onions. Things I usually love with a passion.

Beverages of the day...water, prune juice and grapefruit soda.

My love affair with grapefruit continues, I shall buy a bunch at the farmers market tomorrow.

And the overall draining feeling of nausea continues....

Emotions and good food

Yesterday my emotions were swirling (tears even) for the pursuit of my cravings and the lack of understanding of these cravings on the part of my beloved. One thing I learned is that I must always have my own. I'm too proud and sensitive and will pick strawberries with my child on my back if it means I can spend money on the things I need.

Here's my justification....Some people spend money on jewelry, clothes, purses, shoes. I don't. My overspending is for the love of organic food. Nitrite free bacon, vegetarian fed meats, non genetically modified fruits and veggies. Organic food is expensive, yes, but I'd rather put the good stuff in me, than on me. So if I have to wear hand me down jeans in order to afford my "habit", so be it. I can't have it questioned and if I come to a time in my life where I have to rely on someone else financially, it will be questioned. So my quest for this week is to "woman" up and figure out the next step in my life. No tears, okay, some tears, but not many.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Work Shmork

Trying to blog while you're nauseous out of your gourd is tough.

I made it through the work week. It's probably the last shoot I can handle, but I seriously don't know what to do for a living now, as I wait for my writing "success". I'm strangely calm about the threat of being jobless, homeless, etc... but I have faith things will work out as they should and they will probably be for the best. I just have a hard time with possibly giving up my independence. But grateful for the love I have in my life. Uh oh, I'm becoming an emotional person. Tough exterior is melting..... Must.....go.....feed.

Again....toughest money I've ever earned was July 7th - 11th. Sick, exhausted, fifteen hour physical work days.

I carried four hundred dollars worth of mexican food, up three flights of stairs....five trips, sweating and damn near crying. Some took pity on me and I received help for the last leg of the trip. My ancestors had it much worse, so....I'll suck it up.

And the help didn't come from the people I work WITH it came from the people who Hire the people I work with and I had been driving around. They took pity on me. It's strange how this "industry" robs people of their humanity. Especially the ones who reside in los angeles. The people who helped me were from other states.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I just ate beans and rice with chicken, plantanos and collard greens and a few pieces of coconut....this made the nausea (temporarily) release its hold on me.

Fresh From The Grill
All entries are marinated with brazilian spices, grilled and served
With white rice, black beans, salsa, fried plantains and salad or soup.
Picante or Mild.

• Skinless Boneless Chicken Breast

Here Goes....

I am sitting in a motorhome, "working" on a commercial set. Every 15 minutes or so a train rumbles by and we are about 13 inches away from the tracks, so the motorhome rocks. I work as a Production Assistant, the lowest on the totem pole job, but the one who takes the film (most important part) at the end of the night. Craziness. And I'm nauseous out of my mind. Constant nausea and trying to support myself working 14 hour days on a film set is not gonna work. It's becoming clearer and clearer. And did I mention...clearer?

How do I feel about my SHOCKING state?

Blessed, confused, crazy, shocked, broke, but mostly sick. I have been put on a "successful writer" deadline. But all these thoughts are derailed by my severe nausea.

I keep reminding myself and calling upon the strength of my ancestors, who were slaves (and yes they were) working from sun up to sun down, pregnant, without the proper nutrition or doctor supervision, but somehow got through nine months of it, and gave birth to more "stock" for their "owners". But realistically, I've been domesticated, I'm spoiled and sick....point blank.

The shocked part is that I'm pregnant at all. I thought maybe it wasn't possible as I'm in my 30's and have NEVER BEEN. I thought maybe when I was "ready", I'd have to go to a fertility clinic, stand on my head and yadda, yadda...wrong. I'm not mad, just unprepared and shocked. But I can't say I would've ever sat down and said, okay I'm ready. Though I've had baby names since I was fifteen years old.

My constant state is...a burp away from erupting. I erupted once, pulled over on the side of the road and let loose. And decided then and there, I would will the actually eruption away. The sickness does not subside, but I will NOT vomit. Yes I had to use that word, because that's what happens and it's gross and miserable.

A question I keep asking myself..What will I do for a living? I'm a writer who has yet to get paid and have been put on a nine month , well seven month deadline, but with this sickness and my blue collar choice of work, I've been put on a one week, two week or maybe even three day, deadline. Because.....

I feel sick, too sick to go on right now.